The Time Bandit

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

For my whole life, all I have ever wanted, was to be a mom. I didn't want to be a doctor or a lawyer. I didn't care about wealth. All I wanted was to someday raise babies or be a ballerina, one was more likely than the other...God has blessed me with 3 beautiful babies to raise. But I am constantly battling The Time Bandit. I notice it more frequently now. 

The other day Rori and I were looking at bathing suits online. We were scrolling through the selection and a Disney Princess one caught my eye. She continued scrolling. I knew. But I had to ask. 
"You don't want the Princess one?"
"No, I still like Princesses, but I don't really want a princess bathing suit." Time Bandit. Last year she would've still been thrilled to wear a Disney Princess bathing suit. 9 months later and she's too grown up. 

Today my baby started pre-school. He will be going 5 mornings a week in order to help with his speech delay. I just found out I was pregnant with him yesterday.  Time Bandit. Yesterday we packed his back pack. I put a piece of my heart in there so he would have it with him. Today we all went to school as a family. Bill, me, Rori, Liam, and Brendan. Liam told Brendan what his class would be like. I took pictures and held back tears. As he walked in, not looking back, the teacher told him to wave. He lifted his little hand, and without looking back waved and walked in. I felt my heart break. I know it's only a couple of hours, but this is it. After this he is in school until he officially leaves the nest. I came home, looked at the dog and felt lost. 

There was a time, when Rori was a new baby, where minutes felt like hours as I waited for Bill to get home so I could share what happened on re-runs of ER because Rori couldn't yet interact with me, yet whole days were really just minutes. Does that make sense? And I have seen that years are but an hour. Now, this first day by myself, the minutes are hours once again, as I wait to pick  up my littlest and my middle and spend the whole afternoon playing, because I know, in an hour or two they will be gone all day.