Five Years Ago

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My dearest Faith,

Today you would be five years old. From the very beginning you were wanted by both your papa and me. I had always dreamed of having a baby girl. We were so excited to find out that you would be born around our wedding anniversary. We talked about you all the time. We couldn't believe that God had granted the desire of our hearts.

Did you know that when we found out that you would not live, there was no choice in my mind? We were going to give you every day that God had ordained for you. Do you know how many people were brought to their knees asking God to heal you? Because of you, people showed me more love than I had ever experienced. We received cards, flowers, and gifts to remember you with. We kept every single one. We cried at your gravesite as we visited it on your due date. We laid flowers, given to us by a dear friend, at your grave--but we knew that was not really your final resting place.

Do you know that you will never be forgotten? We were given momentos of your brief time with us that we keep in a box in our room. Your birthday is written on all our calendars. Your Auntie Jenna had your name tattooed on her back. Your grandma made us all ornaments with your footprints in them, so that we would always remember you at Christmas.

Did you know that God gave you a little sister and brother? I rejoice knowing that they will meet you someday. I thank God for them, and I also thank Him that He chose me to be your mommy. He chose me, before the beginning of time, to carry you, my precious girl. I wouldn't trade that for the world. When I get to Heaven, and become reunited with friends and family, I will also get to see you, and learn all about who you are. I look forward to that. I will get to know you in the most perfect way, in the most perfect place.

It has been five years since I held you in my arms, and not a day has gone by that I have not thought of you. I have cried tears for you many times over--tears for the wedding you won't have, the babies you won't carry, and I ache to hold you again. Did you know that when I found out you would not live, that I felt God tell me to name you Faith, because now I know that He used you to grow my own faith? I love you and will love you forever, my baby.




Anonymous said...

Jaime, my wife you are amazing woman. I am truly blessed to have you in my life. I also can't wait until the day I get to meet my little girl and dance with her.--Bill

Anonymous said...

My heart is crying on this day too as we remember...she would be in kindergarden now.
I love you very much and I too think of Faith, I just don't say much, I don't want you to hurt I guess. I am grateful to have you, all of you...Love MOM

Anonymous said...

That was beautiful Jaime. love ya dori

Heidi said...

I am praying for you & the family today as you remember Faith on the day of her birth! I'd like to imagine that she is blessed in heaven by your remembrance of her life and just to have been part of your earthly family...and she's thinking "just wait, Mommy, Daddy, Rori, Liam...until you get here and get to spend time with me and with Jesus, it's so wonderful!!" and then she goes back to praising and worshipping God. Maybe she's a really loud singer in the heavenly choir! In my imagination, at least, it's a beautiful sight. :) Love, Heidi

Anna said...

Oh my dear friends, Jaime and Bill, my heart still aches with you. I'll never forget the day you told me you were pregnant and how much we rejoiced or the evening Bill called to let me know that Faith had gone to be with Jesus and how painful that was. Since then, it has been amazing hearing how much you have grown and how much your "Faith" has been strengthened. I am so glad you have the wonderful people that you do in your life -- especially Bill and your cuties. I can't wait to meet Faith.

I am now going upstairs to change my contacts because they are too cloudy to see through.

Anonymous said...

Dolly, that was such a special post. I often think about your special baby, Faith, and the moments that I was able to hold her in my hand. She looked so perfect and it is such a joy to know that even while I was holding her that He was holding her at the same time, welcoming her to His Kingdom! Although these moments still bring tears to my eyes I rejoice in the knowledge that I too, will get to meet Faith one day and celebrate her perfection.
Love, Dad

Jenna said...

That was beautiful, Jaime. You made me sob like a baby.

Lesley said...

Jaime, what a wonderful tribute to Faith.

Christina said...

This post is why you started this blog. This post made this blog worthwhile to you and Bill who grieve as Faith's parents and to us, your friends that want to share in your grief if only to ease your pain, just a little while. What a wonderful tribute. (I only wish I would have read this before talking with you this morning - so that I could give you a big 'momma' hug. Because right now, that's all I want to do as I sit here tearing up at my desk!)

Lynnette Kraft said...

That was precious Jaime. I'm glad I scrolled down and was able to read your letter to your sweet little Faith.