Saturday, July 26, 2008

Nobody has ever asked me why I married Bill. That's because anyone who has ever met him knows why. God has recently been reminding me that I take him for granted. So I decided to really notice how great he is. Wow--I must be one of the most envied women in the world! I am so thankful that God chose him to be my husband. Meet Bill...

This is him trying on Rori's birthday jewelry--per her request of course :)

3-5 neighbor kids come over on a typical afternoon. I'm pretty sure that Bill, or as the kids call him--either Papa or Rori's dad, is the big attraction. He plays hide and seek with them, pushes them on the swings, and just generally entertains them. I usually run and hide when I hear them ask to come over. This is the best picture I could get, because of course as soon as I got the camera the kids went home.

It's pretty obvious what is going on here. And I take it for granted. Bill's very good at it, and I'm glad!

Bill loves his kids and actively plays with them. (obviously I, myself, grew up with a great and involved father, which is why I didn't know that this type of fatherhood was not the norm--I love you daddy).

Yesterday, I called Bill at work and told him that I was having a dark and lonely day. I was sad from the SCC concert and just generally feeling sad for myself and all the people who have lost a child. Bill came home with those.
You know what he's doing right now--while I'm typing this blog? Folding laundry! So are you all jealous now? Sorry ladies, he's mine!

Where I am at

Friday, July 25, 2008

Last night I went to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert. My heart has been breaking for them since I heard the news about their sweet daughter, Maria. I am amazed at how they could go on stage and praise our Lord, just 2 months after their daughter went to be with Jesus. I so admire them and I want their faith...
I have been reading a blog by a woman named Angie that lost her precious baby girl. She found out at her 20 week ultrasound that the baby wouldn't survive and carried her for 3 months before she delivered and held her baby and said goodbye. In the midst of it all, she blogged about her love for Jesus. I so admire her, and I want her faith...
I can see such good things from the loss of their children--crazy to say, but I know that there will be so many more people in Heaven, because they have heard them tell their stories about how they praised their Savior, even in the storm. I have been thinking lately that I haven't seen any ripples from our loss of Faith. How has or will God use my story--her story? Has it made a difference in the Kingdom? I want to see it--I want to make sense of it. Why wasn't I as strong as them? If I had been praising Him during the pregnancy, even after we figured out the outcome, would I be seeing the ripples? Did I fail the trial that God gave me? I was angry with God for a long time. I had a hard time praising Him. I had trusted that He could heal Faith, but I knew that it was His choice not to. I was angry about that. Yet, He told me to name her Faith, and I did. I pray that He will use my Faith to grow my faith.
I know that I don't have the same faith as the Chapman family or Angie, but I know that He will meet me here today--in my dark hour--where I am at.

First Post

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wow--I've started a blog. I feel so technological... I'm not sure if I'm going to tell anyone that I have started this. I just feel a need to journal my feelings and put my thoughts out into words.